Deception Road
by lies of-the trade
Summary: Not for hard-core Mer/Der fans. She broke him, but to what extent will she go to make things right again. And how will Derek Respond to the dispearance of his long-time girl friend. Somewhat AU. Story will be continued in a Sequel , "Behind These Eyes."
1. Before You Read

Deception Road

Before you begin

Disclaimer: I do not own Greys Anatomy or any of its characters. Although In this story I do stake claim to Andre and will fight it to the death.

Acknowledgements: I know this is just fanfic, but there are some people I would like to thank who helped a lot in the production of this story. It was written during a rough time for me and a lot of it is reflected in this writing. So I would like to thank first of all Cj, who actually said "do-eet" little did she know she was not only encouraging me to write a fanfic that goes against a million things Greys Anatomy, especially Mer/Der, but also unofficially declaring herself my beta. And I would like to thank her for helping me develop the plot line as well as Andre and for Google the top ways to fake your own death. Secondly thanks goes out to Jackie, a friend I met during the creation of this story who not only pushed me to write out my frustrations but also not feel guilty for writing a piece that may disappoint many Greys fan fiction lovers. Totally my person!

Finally before reading I want to inform you the reader that this story not only may be controversial but is what I feel rated to be PG 14. As well don't hate my ideas honestly if you don't like you are seeing please stop reading. Finally this story acts more as a prequel for another piece I have recently started. The ending is really rough and I can see myself re-writing it before I release the continuation.

I present to you, Deception Road... not you stereotypical Mer/Der fic.


	2. Prologue

She pulled the chrome SUV into the driveway, a mood of melanchoney hovering over her as she aligned the car perfectly adjacent to the house. She studied him perched on the couch like a sad bird, hovering in the golden light of the salon. Hesitant, she clicked off the ignition bringing the roar of an engine to a sudden halt. Procrastinating she fidgeted with the CD's re-aligning them into alphabetical order, she never used to be so anal, she never used to have to have everything in such an immaculate order; but these days she would find any excuse to keep her from home, like he would notice anyways. Frustrated she pushed her hair off of her face, revealing a set of bloodshot eyes, and a pressed smile which somehow managed to convey a message of happiness that he was to numb to see through. She clicked the ignition back on hoping to make some sort of grand escape, glancing up at the window her eyes caught his, and she could see the slight glimmer of happiness in his face brought on by her arrival. The news highlights blared on the soft rock station, "Another report of a random home invasion in the South East region of Seattle, "A woman's voice proclaimed with a hint of concern, "It is suspected to be 3rd in a string of home invasions occurring at startling rate. The culprits seem to strike between the hours of 4-8 and residents are advised to be observant of their neighbourhoods, as well as keep their doors locked at all times." The voice switched over one of a middle aged man, which she presumed to be a cop, "So far all persons within the residencies have been presumed missing or dead. The burglars tend to strike when only one or two people ....." Tired of hearing their voices drone on she flicked off the radio, and took in a deep breath, preparing her for whomever she was to meet inside.

She had managed to stall 5 more minutes, before she slipped through the large wooden door s into the dimly lit sitting room. He was still perched on the couch, reading an outdated issue of "The Seattle Times."

"How was work," he asked with almost no enthusiasm in his voice.

"Err, Good" she replied suddenly animated, "It was actually really good the chief let me attempt my first appendectomy on the general surgery rotation today... as well I've been offered some great fellowships in Nero-surgery. Of course none of them are as good as the one Richard offered at SGH, but....."

"Hmmm," he said pensively, only giving her half of his attention.

"Derek," she sighed, "It's not to late, Richard still hasn't found a replacement for your position, and he asked me to talk to you about reconsidering your role at Seattle Grace,"

"Wow," he laughed, "You sure sound cute when you're being professional."

"Derek, I'm serious..." she protested, "It's just lately you don't seem..."

"I'm fine," he smiled picking up an empty wine glass, slipping the paper upper his arm, "We talked about this, I have the interview with the U of Seattle, medical department... for the professor position remember?"

"Yea," she sighed, he stepped toward her kissing her passionately but she felt nothing, only emptiness. She knew the drill, you only pretend to alright, you hide behind a carefully painted mask, you kiss you tell, you try to act normal, but no matter how hard you try someone always picks it up. He saw it in her a year ago, and now she saw it in him. That ocean of hopelessness that filled his deep blue eyes, the soft reassuring voice that whispered "I'm alright," although he clearly wasn't.

Frustrated she leaned over the counter and poured herself a glass a wine, she studied the red fluid full of life as it spiralled into the crystal glace. She could see her reflection in the scarlet fluid, her eyes dampened with sadness although she herself was completely content. She rinsed the corkscrew and opened the upper left drawer a smell of dried glue and dust wafted into the air. She slipped her hand into the drawer dropping the corkscrew with a quiet thud. As she retrieved her hand her fingers gracefully danced across a silky black box. Curiously she picked the box up toying with it in her perfectly manicured hands. It was small and draped in a smooth midnight silk, she could feel her stomach twinge... this wasn't... it couldn't be. Nervously she opened the box her body quivering with, excitement as well as complete and udder fear.

It was one of the most amazing stones she had ever seen, it caught every bit of light reflecting it back in an array of colors. In the top of the box lay a folded cue card, its white colour aged with time. The paper unfolded easily, its creases weakened by repetitive opening and closing. Tears gathered in her eyes as she read the masculine, yet neat cursive scratched onto the card in a thoughtful manner.

_Meredith, on this day of February 6__th__, I ask up the most important question a man can ever ask a woman. _

_You where just a girl in a bar, I a boy, who knew that one night could finish a puzzle we both have spent our whole lives trying to figure out. Admitignly it was the thrill of the chase, but almost instantly it became so much more. I know you can't always trust me, even if deep down inside you want to. I know you aren't the romantic type, and I know, I know that you know I want to grow old with you, have kids with you, and do everything with you._

_So Meredith, simply..._

_Pick me; choose Me, Marry Me......._

3 hours and 6 glasses of wine later she was still hovering over the marble counter top, her mind racing 100 miles a minute. That letter was written over 3 months ago, why he hadn't asked her. She was ready, she was different, and he knew that.... then it hit her, the only thing that had changed was him. He wasn't Derek anymore, hadn't been for about 3 months....... 3 months ago when he quit his job. He quit his job because of his inability to deal with death, his inability to accept he couldn't save them all.... which was brought on by the clinical trial..... This was forced on him by her.

"It's all my fault," she thought, "I broke him."

Pensively she placed the empty glass into the dishwasher, the house was sighlent... it was nearly 2 am, and everyone had long since been asleep. She loved Derek, but she hated seeing him this way, it was almost too much for her to bear....

"You alright?" a voiced asked, pulling her from her daze. Startled she flipped around almost knocking over the deep olive bottle of red wine.

"Mark," she sighed, "What are you doing here?"

"Lexie," he smiled his face full of enthusiasm, "I was... um with Lexie."

"Ah," she replied forcing a smile onto her face, as she fought the urge to reach for another glass of wine.

"Let's, just not tell Derek," he spoke anxiously, "You know..."

"Last time," she finished his sentence, "Yea, I know."

"Okay," the man smiled as giddy as a teenager, "Well, I'll guess I'll just disappear into the night then." With that he slipped out the back door, it creaked behind him. The wind caught hold of the old wooden structure flailing it back wards, slamming it against this outside wall. Slowly she approached it taking in the night air for a moment before she pulled it shut. Then it hit her.... she could just evanesce into the night... she could just disappear.


	3. Chapter 1

It had been a week since she had concocted her mastermind plan to disappear from the face of the earth, well at least the face of Seattle anyways. She sat in on the oversized sofa, in the beige sitting room the sun illuminating the natural golden highlights is her thick blonde locks. In front of her lay an untouched glass of wine, as well as a collection of forged birth certificates, driver's licences and passports that would have to make due until next Friday morning, when she was scheduled at the Spokane legislation to legally change her name. She figured it would be two risky to commit such a deed immediately after her "disappearance." Letting out a sigh she glanced at her watch, 4:30. She would have to start soon.... Derek was expected home around six from his interview. She wondered how it went, although she knew she would never receive the opportunity to find out. Like the appropriate girlfriend she had wished him the best of luck this morning when he swished out of the door, despite the fact she truly believed he belonged in the OR.

Solemnly she picked up the collection of internet articles on the recent Seattle home invasions, they all followed a generic pattern, each one as almost as eerie as the last. First the burglars barged into the house, breaking anything and everything they can find that was not of value, then they threatened the residents, forcing them to reveal any knowledge of valuables on the property. Finally they remove all witnesses from the crime scene, supposedly kidnapping them; the only remainder of their existence being thoughtful painting of rouge, smeared thoughtlessly across the floor. Only one victim had turned up as cold as stone on the side of a ditch. The getaway vehicles included the generic van, as well as the victims own... which in 2 of the 3 cases ended up in the bottom of a ravine just outside Seattle. Although the crimes where obviously disturbing, there was still one dark twist.... before they where slaughtered the victims where allowed to leave a message on the answering machine... one last goodbye to everyone they ever loved.

She took another glance at her watch 5:00, the black leather strap was neatly clasped by a piece of white gold. Her mother had given her this watch, ages ago when she was 13. Tired of her tardiness she had purchased it for her for her birthday, sadly she had to admit it was probably the most thoughtful gift Ellis had ever given her. She let out another sigh... inhaling the stuffy air of the house. Taking one more glance around the familiar room, she tried to block the memories that flowed into her mind like water in a babbling brook. Making her way over to the thick flannel curtains, her mind drifted to Derek... this would surely kill him, but she knew he would be happier in the long run. She took one long gaze out at the Seattle skyline; she knew she would long for this. Every since she had first moved back to the Emerald city she had made it a habit to gaze thoughtfully out of the window at the skyline. It provided her peace, and often in times hope. After endless minutes she pulled the curtains shut and threw back the glass of scarlet courage, preparing herself for the sequence of events she was about to commit.

She began with the living room; frantically she threw the lamps onto the floor, as well as raped the walls from their paintings. Quickly she advanced through the remainder of the house unravelling the life she had worked so hard to keep; she ripped clothes from their drawers and frantically gathered valuables from hiding places. Eventually, she approached his office, the burlap sac of jewellery and heirlooms dragging behind her petite frame. He hadn't touched this room in months, and she could see a film of dust which had collected on top of the desk. Her memory flashed back to this morning, Derek in his suit jacket and dark jeans. He wore his red shirt, which always managed to make her stomach summer Sault. He looked like, himself again. Happy go-lucky Derek, it was almost as if sleep had refreshed his memory reminding him of who he really was, to bad he didn't remember to kiss her goodbye.

The sudden ringing of her cell drew her from her daze, she flipped it opening revealing the secret identity of the caller... Shit, it was Derek. He must be on his way home by now she reminded herself, she looked at her watch 5:40, crap. Quickly she twilled the lock on the safe, stripping it of its pale green paper treasures. She drugs the sack into the hallway aligning her adjacent to the machine.

She pressed the tiny record button, and begun to record, a waterfall of emotion engulfing her, drowning her. With every word he voice grew higher, and by the end she was down to a mere whisper.

_Derek... I love you... I'm in love with you, and I always will be in love with you._

_I never deserved you... and you probably deserve someone a lot better then me._

_I'm sorry that it ends like this.... I'm so sorry._

_Promise to do one thing for me.... take Richard's offer... _

_The will is in the third drawer of the filling cabinet... everything you need to know is in there._

_And Derek... I picked, you I choose you, and I loved you... and if I had the chance I would marry you._

_But don't let that hold you back from staring over._

_Goodbye....._

She ran though the checklist in her mind, she had everything but.... no she couldn't take that could she? Was it over stepping the line? But... she needed to make the burglary seem as real as possible. She raced into the kitchen and opened the drawer grabbing the familiar silk box.

"I'm so sorry Derek," she whispered allowed as she pulled the ring from the box, and slipping it into her pocket.

Finally, to pull of the whole thing she picked up a chef's knife from the counter and ran it under a trickle of hot water. Trembling she drew it across her forehead, an initial burst of thick red fluid gushed from her forehead, gathering in large ponds on the caramel hardwood. Frantically she grabbed a towel and pressed it on her forehead, as she be lined it for the door. She threw the sac over her shoulder and stumbled into the car. She quickly flicked on the ignition a swerved the car out of the driveway, just missing a series of garbage cans and parked vehicles on her way out. She could see his vehicle rounding the corner, from the opposite side of the street. They passed each other as if they where strangers, but she couldn't fight the urge to push the speedometer up another 10km/h.

She drove straight for another 15 minutes, juggling her attention between the road and steady flow of life that drained from her forehead. A spell of dizziness over came her and her barley managed to pull into a Wal-Mart parking lot. Nervously she pulled a suture kit she had managed to smuggle fromthe hospital, and began to mend the open wound. Afterwards she gazed in the mirror thoughtfully, her face was somewhat wiped of all color, and her blonde hair fell on her shoulders like a waterfall polluted with faint streaks of sulphur. She looked like utter crap, but overall she looked relived. She pulled of the parking lot smoothly, almost flawlessly and continued down the pale gray road. 20 minutes from now she'd be on the outskirts of town.... 20 minutes from now she would be free.


	4. Chapter 2

It was nearly dawn and she gazed at the beautiful Spokane skyline as it became engulfed in a comforting orange. She felt sick to her stomach, what had she done? She could feel her breakfast crawl up her throat again, resting patiently at the very back. Suddenly she threw her body over the metallic trashcan releasing a near lethal combination of Mc Donald's take out and red wine. She had parked the car a few blocks away in a apartment parking complex, and had also managed to pick up a pair of darkly tinted sunglasses, a baseball cap that stated "Kiss the Chef," and a box of a chocolate hued hair dye. A chilly gust of wind danced through the air almost knocking her over the bridges fragile railing, she clenched onto the thin metallic bars with her life, she had gone in so deep, that she was far beyond the point of return.

Glancing at her watch, she realized just how much time had slipped through her fingers, it was nearly 5:30 am and within a half-and-hour, her face was sure to be plastered in news articles and reports across the state. She still had a few blocks to walk before she reached the hotel, she had chosen one of Spokane's best, assuming that the police would be more inclined to look for a burglar and his hostage in a flea infested motel rather then the city's finest. Strategically she snugly adjusted the green cotton ball cap on her head covering the scar she had etched into herself earlier that night. She slipped on the dark shades masking her uniquely turquoise eyes from the rest of society. Picking up the burlap sack she made her way to the hotel.

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The short stalk man gave her an apprising glance as she approached the front desk; he glared at her almost as if her look did not suit the posh environment of the hotel. She studied him further; he was balding and wore a red tailored jacket with a double butanoge on the front. It`s cherry color made him look slightly flushed, bringing out the pink undertone in his complexion.

``For how many nights?" he questioned impatiently.

"A week", she responded without hesitation, "Maybe two if a suite is available."

"Madame," he continued drilling her like she was a prisoner in an internment camp, "Our policy's state that all guests must pay 100% of the fees upfront. Are you sure you have that kind of cash at hand?"

"Will this be enough?" she asked pulling a wad of bills out of the burlap sack waving the collection of green paper around like a fan. His eyes instantly grew wide, unable to move away from the wad of emerald in her hand.

"Of course... M'am," he stuttered, "Are you requesting an executive sweet?"

"If ones available," she said impatiently tapping her fingers on the mahogany counter.

"Um, ID"

She pulled the mock driver's licence out of her front pocket, her stomach tightening. She watched him take it examining it like a fine piece of jewellery. He scratched some words on a notepad and glanced back up at her. "Housekeeping?" he asked.

"Um," she hesitated, "No." She didn't need anyone rummaging though her things bringing her alias to the surface.

"Address?"

"I'm between places," she answered quickly. He shot her another appraising glance as he altered his attention between the notepad and the computer.

"You'll be paying in cash, obviously right M'am" She nodded as continued to drum her fingers on the oversized desk. He stapled some sheets together and placed them on the counter as well as the mock driver's licence and card to the room. "Your total is $6,345.98"

"Keep the change," she muttered tossing the wad of bills at him, before collecting the paper work from the counter. Suddenly she froze, glaring at the man behind the desk. He meets her gaze and she shot him a glance over her oversized sunglasses. "As well," she began, "Lets not tell anyone I'm here. I'm on a private getaway"

"Will do," the man said forcing a smile on his face, "Enjoy your stay Ms. Grace"

She nodded a smile stretching across her face as she walked towards the elevators, she felt as if she was in some sort of insane dream. Who ever could've imagined Meredith Grey pulling of a stunt like this? Pressing the 5th floor button a sudden realization hit her, as of this morning she was no longer Meredith Grey, she was Ellen Grace; an independent, soon to be brunette, and defiantly single woman. Confidence emitted from her as she walked down the light crème hallways to room 568, she could feel herself changing, almost as if she had been given an entirely new perception on life all together.

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She sat in front of the mirror her body wrapped in a large fleece from with the hotels initials embroidered in a neat gold cursive to the right. Her hair was damp and her face whipped clean from the bloody stains of the night before. She picked up the box of rich chocolate hair dye. The model on the box gleamed with the uttermost confidence, her hair cropped right along her chin accenting her prominent yet beautiful facial features. She studied herself for a moment, examining her long blond hair for the last time, she had to admit she would somewhat miss it, although she rarely spent more then 10 minutes on her appearance. Slipping on the thin plastic gloves provided with the dye she began to apply the thick cream to her hair, which appeared to be almost a hasty black in the dim bathroom lighting. She followed the directions religiously washing the dye out exactly 15 minutes after she had first massaged it into her hair.

She blow dried her hair facing away from the mirror, unable to watch the transformation unfold. Once thoroughly dry, she pressed her eyes together, straightened her spine and angled her body towards the mirror. Several minutes passed, and she stood there her hand groping onto the ebony counter for support, her eyes still tightly sealed together. Finally she flung them open, revealing a new woman. Her soft chocolate locks sitting neatly on her shoulders. Admittedly she was rather stunning, the deep brown brought out hazel flecks, that she had never before seen floating in deep blue ponds of her iris. Her skin appeared to take one more of a lighter hue, giving her a slightly angelic appearance.

Satisfied the new born brunette made her way over to the massive bed that lay adjacent to the oversized windows. She slipped on a pair of sweets and a tank she had managed to snatch before her quick departure, and allowed her body to sink into the soft mattress. The sun shone though the sheer curtains and warmed her skin, her eyelids grey heavy and she welcomed the coming of sleep, after all it had been a hell of a night.

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She awoke to the twinkling of the night, it was nearly 11. Slowly she positioned herself in a semi upright position pressing her back against the cedar head board. Curiously she reached for the remote on the nightstand a flicked on the local news station. She knew she shouldn't, but like a child longing for that one cookie before dinner she couldn't resist.

The two co-hosts took turns informing the public about the day's headlines, and current weather conditions, she let out a sigh of relief. Maybe she had managed to slip off stage silently, without a spotlight. "And on another note," the middle age man announced in a booming voice, "Seattle native, Meredith Grey, is still missing tonight. We have Sandra covering the story from the Seattle live tonight" the screen flashed over to a young brunette with dead straight hair positioned adjacent to her house.

"Thanks James, "the woman spoke in a serious tone, "It appears the Seattle bandits have taken struck again, possible for the last time. The recent break in at the Grey residence had lead to an anonymous phone call begging given to police. The person claimed to be a close relative of both the victim and the burglars, and said this was the last straw given up the location of the three local bandits. Since then 3 men matching police descriptions have been taking into custody." The screen split in two showing both images of the middle aged and the young woman. They both wore the same generic news castor suit in a grey flannel the hung tightly to their bodies.

"Any word on the resident," the man questioned.

"Meredith Grey is still missing, but could likely still be alive," the woman responded, "If anyone has any further information they are asked to call state police immediately."

"What a bittersweet tragedy," the man said solemnly.

"Agreed," the women nodded a mood of melancholy sweeping across her face. The screen then flashed to a capture of Derek, his eyes bloodshot; he wore a winkled blue cardigan, the collar of his flannel shirt just popping out of his shirt. She tried to listen to what he was saying but her mind began to wander, it wasn't to late, she could still dye her hair back and stumble into Seattle Grace with a impressive story of how she escaped the wrath of the criminals, how she fought to return back to his arms.... but she knew as well as anyone else did that it was far to late to hold onto hope. Hope of things returning to the way they where, hope of her marrying Derek, hope of any sort.


	5. Chapter 3

She walked into the hospital confidently as usual, it was something she had begun doing since accepting the position at medical center. It was something she did differently from her morning rituals in Seattle. She checked into the nurse's station, diligently signing her name Dr. Ellen Grace, on a variety of charts and prescriptions shortly after appearing in the building. She felt proud signing her new signature the "E" gently attached to the "G" though a series of light scribble. Although she had been using the alias for some time now today it had become official. Surprisingly she had almost no trouble changing her name, apparently two other _Meredith Greys, _in the country had ligitametly changed they identities since her "disappearance." Apparently no one wants to posses the name of a potential murder victim.

"Good Morning ," one of the nurses chirped. Smiling from behind the pistachio and rose desk.

"Morning Suze," she smiled pulling a chart from the shelf adding it to her collection. People here where so kind so friendly, so up beat. It reminded her of the dermatology department back at SGH, yet the spell of happiness had managed to hold all members of the hospital captive. And she, being the new girl, felt obliged to join in.

"Did you hear?" She herd another nurse question Suze.

"No," the girl answered, she was barley out of nursing school, and had long strawberry hair that she kept neatly fastened in a low pony tail.

"Well, apparently they found that poor girls car, just North of Ash Street in a parking complex" the woman exclaimed, she was in her late forties and fairly dark, with a frizz of hair the sat uncombed on top of her head.

"You don't mean... the home invasion victim from Seattle?" Suze questioned animated by the conversation topic. She knew she shouldn't eves drop, but she had to know more. For the past two weeks she had restrained herself from watching the news or reading the paper afraid of what information she might pick up.

"Yea, what's her face," the other nurse replied.

"You mean Meredith Grey.." she said her voice cracking as she continued to fill in a patients chart, keeping her head angled towards the paper she waited for a response, afraid she might burst into tears.

"Yea, that's her name...." the two carried on gossiping about what it must've been like and how her friends and family must feel... she knew only to well the answers to those questions. She pulled herself away from the conversation and be lined it towards the elevator. She quietly slipped inside not noticing the young man standing behind her.

"Hey," the voice called half-startling her, "Your the new neurosurgery fellow right?"

"Yea," she smiled politely glancing back at him, hopping he'd read her vibe that she wasn't particularly in the mood for a conversation.

"Andre Rousseau," The man smiled reaching out his hand, "I'm one of the paediatric surgery fellows here."

She turned to meet him, "Mer-"she stopped herself, "Ellen Grace."

"I know," he smiled, "Your quit a big shot around here; you know you raised the bar for all of us diagnosising a one of a kind tumour and using an experimental treatment to save his life all in one day..."

She remained quiet not really sure of what to say.

"So made any friends yet, or have the other girls exiled you because you failed to pass their hazing rituals." He questioned jokingly

"What are we in high school," she laughed.

"Just making conversation,"

"Well I'm fine," she replied, "I've met lots of people."

"It's just you always seem to either be working with one of the attendings or alone," he stated.

"What are you stalking me?" she questioned half shocked by his matter of fact attitude.

"Let me take you out," he smiled, "With the others I mean. We are nice people. You'd like us."

"Would I now?" She laughed sarcastically, looking back at him. He appeared to be of her age, possessing brown hair that was streaked with thing lines of honey. He was a few inches higher then she and he had a slightly athletic build which made his scrubs hang off his body in a rectangular shape. He was not her usual type but something in his hazel eyes made her shiver.

"You would." He said brushing past her as the elevator door slid open, "And, I'm not taking no for an answer. So see you in the doctor lounge at 8."

Watching him walk down the hall she felt her stomach twinge, biting her lip as the elevator doors closed she began to think about what he had said. She had to admit she was kind of lonely she missed having lunch over a large crowd, laughing over patients and gossiping about co-workers. Maybe this would be good for her, it's just she was terrified she would let her guard down that she would let something slip unravelling the whole controversy. She feared they would find her and send her back to Seattle back to Derek, to the life that had been planned for her, the life that had been defined by her mother expectations, and the life that had been determined by his expectations.

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It had been a long day; was more of a private hospital taking only the best of the residents to fill its positions and only taken the cases that where to specialized for any other medical center in city to deal with. They often received VIP patients, and cases that blew even the best of physician's minds. She was one of only two other Nero-surgery fellows. One was changing specialties and apparently was some famous general surgeon; the other was a paediatric surgeon who had decided to sub-specialize in neurology. They both where significantly older then her, with wives and a heard of kids awaiting them at home. She felt out of place around them being so youthful, and while they where stressing over missing their 5 year old son's t-ball games or the daughter's first words; she was preoccupied with trying to make a name for herself.

Today had been a particularly hard day though, and she spent most of it looking over her shoulder waiting for someone to come take her away, to drag her back to Seattle. She was sitting on the wooden bench to adjacent to her locker when he walked into the dark room, her deep brown hair hanging in her face.

"Ready," he asked a smile creeping across his face.

"Umm... Andre" she stuttered, "today was a horrible day, I probably should...."

"Come," he said sitting beside her, "You won't regret it, come on we planned a game, and it involves tequila."

She could smell his cologne; it was sweet yet spicy at the same time. She looked at him his eyes fixated on her a slight twinkle hovering in the pools of hazelnut. He placed his hand on her thigh; unsure of how to react she shot up shoving her lab coat and stethoscope into the grey metal locker.

"Tequila," she asked the idea of a night growing on her.

"Come on," he pleading morphing his face into a sad puppy dog like expression.

"Okay no fair, how can I resist that?"

"So it's a Yes?"

"I suppose,"

"Great" he said, handing her the oversized leather tote she had purchases at a small boutique downtown. He places his hand on the center of her back, and firmly led her out of the door. "I'm serious you won't regret this."

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They arrived at a small country and western bar in heart of the city. It was an underground place that she never would've ventured into unless someone had told her to. As they entered they where welcomed by the smell of alcohol and the upbeat tone of a young woman belching out some Carrie Underwood chart topper. A heard of people waved like wild animals from a table in a secluded corner of the bar. He raced to meet them pulling her behind him like a stubborn mutt.

"Is this her?" A redhead asked, she had pale skin and a curly hair that hovered just above her ears. She glanced around there where seven people in total including her.

"Yup," Andrea smiled, sliding into the booth beside a young Asian man "the legend the attendings have all been ranting about."

"Hey," she said awkwardly like the 13 year old girl she once was, with a stalky build, lank blonde hair and a mouthful of braces.

"Amber," a one of the women smiled standing up to shake her hand, she natural brown hair that was as straight as a board, like her tall frame. She wore a dusky rose eye shadow and a pale peach gloss "I'll get the shots, take a seat Ellen... don't worry he won't bite, to much."

She slid beside a young man with dark medetrainian skin, he had spiky black hair that shone under the dimply lit a bar light.

"I'm Kelsey," he explained, "and the Asian there is Jeff, then that is Richard, and this fiery red head over here is Hanna, and of course you know Andrea." He finished his statement with a wink, and nudge her in a jokingly manner. She already felt at home around them, knowing this was where she belonged. They made small talk until Amber returned with a full bottle of tequila and seven shot glasses.

"Okay," she exclaimed, "the name of the game is Truth or Drink, it's kind of a way for us all to get to know a bit more about each other." She passed him a glass shooting her a warm smile. "So," she continued, "We all go in a circle asking each other questions, and if you absolutely don't want to answer you take a shot of man's best friend right here tequila.... oh yea one last rule you can only take 3 shots in a row... we want this game to last more then an hour."

"Are you sure?" Jeff chuckled, "I have some secrets you may not be so egar to know."

"I'll take my chances," the brunette laughed, "Ellen you go first."

"Okay, André" said devilishly, "How did you get that scar above your eyebrow." She shot him a lot that said don't go there, but it was far too late.

"Oh, no way you are getting in on that one," she laughed, "Drink. Please"

********************************************************

Three hours later she sat alone with Andrea at the table, Kelsey, Richard and Amber had gone home due to the fact they had a 6:00 am shift and a crap load of interns to deal with. Meanwhile Kelsey and Hanna had made their way onto the dance floor, strutting around to the upbeat music, bouncing up and down through the crowd doing some sort of polka.

"So," the man smiled his gaze making her feel queasy inside, "why venture here from some hot shot Seattle surgical program. Your where at SGH right?"

"Needed a change," she smiled stirring a small amount of cream into her coffee. She looked up at him her shot her a look that read "yea right" and she couldn't help to feel as if she was suddenly naked. "What about you?" she shot back, "What's your story? Nurse's say you used to be at Boston General what makes someone leave a place like that?"

He looked at her his comical mask suddenly wiped from his face, "Honestly," he sighed, "I got into some trouble down there...."

She wanted to ask more but she could tell it was a touchy subject, "How long have you been in  
Spokane?" she questioned in an attempt to change the subject.

"3 months, you?"

"3 weeks,"

"Let me take you out of here," he suggested randomly.

"You're, kidding" she responded, "I know what that line means."

"You think I'm that kind of guy," he said slightly appalled, "Come on you have to see something."

Before she could answer he had already taken her by the hand and began to lead her out the door. She loved the way he would just do things the way he made her step out of her comfort zone. As the exited he waved goodbye to the others who where still bouncing around the dance floor like monkeys. The air had become brisk outside, and she could see her breath forming tiny frozen droplets as she exhaled. He opened the door of the black Sudan, and she diligently positioned herself on the leather seat.

"Your gonna love this place," he smiled clicking on the ignition.

***************************

He was a hundred percent right, she did love this place. They sat on top of a bench which overlooked the river, adjacent to them she could see the Spokane skyline towing over the forest of the inner city park. The sun had just begun to crawl over the tree tops and they had spent the whole night talking. As cliché as it sounded, it was amazing. She slowly took a sip from the over priced starbucks frapacnio... or latte, or whatever she was drinking. Glancing over at him, she noticed how peaceful he looked, his hair moving slightly in the morning breeze.

This so wasn't her, she didn't sit and watch sunsets drinking lattes; she didn't spend the night with a guy without sharing so much as a kiss. She felt trapped in a dream, almost as if a lifetime of memories she had gathered as Meredith had not even existed.

"I have to admit your right" she smiled, "This is amazing."

"I know, huh" he smiled "I took my little sister here when she came to visit last summer."

"Ahh,"

"So how about I drive you back to the hospital to get your car," he suggested.

She really didn't want to leave but she knew the moment would have to end eventually. "Sure," she smiled, yawing. Thank god she had the day off today; otherwise she'd be completely dead at work.

"Okay," he smiled slightly sleepy eyes, "let's go."


	6. Chapter 4

Again she walked into the hospital eluding the same sense of confidence. With the passing of every day she had begun to feel more and more at ease, with her life. She signed in at the nurse's station as usual Susan greeted her with the same bubbly expression. It had been three weeks since the night with the other residents an about a month and a half since she moved to Spokane. She had almost immediately been accepted into the group having had lunch with them daily and the occasional girl night out with Amber and Hannah.

"Oh ," Suze stopped her, "Dr. Kinselle want to see you in his office as soon as possible."

"Okay thanks," she nodded, wondering what this could be about. Dr. Eric Kinselle was the chief of surgery at , a former cardiovascular surgeon he often spoke about the good old days where surgery was done by man rather than machine.

She approached the massive office cautiously, still unsure of what impression had made of her. The office was illuminated by sunlight and she could see the spot on by the river where Andrea had taken her a few weeks ago. It was now infested with an array of springtime grasses that had been aloud to grow like wildfire in the area.

"Ah, Ellen," he smiled peering over his glasses. He had short hair that had seem to simply grow lighter opposed to grey and a warm business like smile. He motioned for her to sit behind in the large leather chair in front of him, and she felt significantly smaller compared to his massive mahogany desk. "We have a guest surgeon coming to consult on a case today, looking for some fresh meat to train. By far you seem to be the most educated and driven of our neuro-surgery fellows I have told him you will assist him. Don't worry Dr. Hadley has reluctantly agreed to cover your cases today. Make us proud honey; this is a surgical big shot... good for hospital business." He had a father like tone to him which reminded her of Richard, and she felt honoured by her being the chosen one. She nodded in agreement and proceeded up to the 5th floor to meet this so called "big shot."

She approached the desk with excitement and eager to learn, frantically drumming her fingers on the mock granite counter she impatiently waited for the nurse's attention.

"What's up?" she asked slightly angered by her being such a nuisance.

"Um Eric said I'm supposed to be assisting someone today..."

"Ah," the nurse smiled pointing to a man down the hall, "That would be Dr. Derek Sheppard,"

"Excuse me?" she questioned making sure she heard the woman right.

"Dr. Sheppard," the crimson haired woman replied with a slight southern drawl, "You're a lucky girl Hun, amazing surgeon, not that bad on the eye's either huh?"

She froze, unable to move. "He wasn't.... he couldn't be... Oh God what was he doing here?" The nurse's voice became distant, as she focused her eyes on him. He wore a dark suit, with an icy blue shirt and a navy tie that hung loosely around his neck. He smiled as he chatted away with the cardio head, animated by their conversation. Her mind flashed back to the first day of her internship, he had the same manner to him like he ruled the place and he knew it. She glanced down at her hand and realized they quivered vigorously; her breath grew short; her stomach had been compacted into a tight ball. She turned to walk away but a man's voice interrupted her.

","

Shit, it was Sheppard. Slowly she turned around, tilting her head towards the ground hopping he wouldn't look into her eyes. Why hadn't she bought colored contacts, she had always longed for green eyes as a child, people with green eyes always seemed to be so confident so...

"It's right?" he asked interrupting her thoughts.

"Ellen." She smiled apprehensively, matching her hand with his. He shook it thoughtfully holding it for just a second longer; he stared at her almost in disbelief, like he was playing one of those games where you had to pick out which object doesn't belong. Did he really not see it? Did he not see her? She felt slightly offended that he couldn't recognize the Meredith in her. Had she changed that much?

"It's umm, Derek," he smiled stumbling over his words.

"I know," she replied forcing a smile on her face, "Your kind of a legend."

"Was a legend," he sighed, "Now Eric tells me you're a fan of the Sheppard-Grey method. You know you're the first to attempt since the clinical trial, quiet a risky move from a fellow."

She wasn't sure what to say, was that an insult or compliment, why did she suddenly feel 13 again. Then it hit her, she is not the ghost of Meredith, she is Ellen Grace.... he doesn't know her, he doesn't know the confident, powerful, woman she has become. Looking him in the eye she noticed a sparkle, a tiny fleck of sunlight hovering along the surface of a crescent blue ocean.

"What can I say," she said confidentially, "I needed to save their life, as doctors we're obliged to do all we can, even if it means stepping outside the lines sometimes... right?"

"Hmm," he said gazing at her; she wished he would stop looking at her like that.

"So, the patient," she questioned in an attempt to pull him out of his gaze.

"Of course," he smiled leading her to a door down the hall, "now I guarantee you haven't seen this before, Dr. Grace."

**********************

She could feel his eyes burning tiny holes in the center of her back, each blink sending a new set of shivers up her spine. The scrub room was unusual cold, almost eerie as they both polished their hands with a thick soapy lather. The surgery had gone well; flawless the Sheppard-Grey method at it's finest.

"Your Staring at me," she stated bluntly, as she ran a stream of luke warm fluid over her icy hands. She could feel him step closer his breath warmly dancing across the nape of her neck. She could feel a rush of emotion sweep over her, she longed to turn around and match her lips to his, to wrap her arms around his neck, to hold on to him forever, but that was highly inappropriate, for apparently "he barley knew her."

"So what If I am staring?" he asked reaching for a towel and leaning against the oversized stainless steel sink.

"It's inappropriate,"

"So I'm assuming asking you out for dinner would be highly inappropriate as well?"

She shot him a sarcastic glance, as she wiped her and positioned herself adjacent to him, he wore a flirty smile, and his eyes sparkled with sexual tension. The raised her hand to speak, but no words came out, instead she shot him a dumfounded smile and laughed to herself as she exited the room. He hadn't changed one bit.

"Ellen," a male voice cried out for her.

"Dr. Sheppard," she sighed impatiently, "I will not go out with.... Shit. Andre I thought..."

"Date?" he asked quixotically.

"Yes... well no ... possibly,"

"You should go he smiled," as he caressed her arm, she looked up at him. He wore a caring smile and overall friendly expression, now why couldn't men like him ask her out? Why was she always stuck with the Derek Sheppard's of the world? Okay THE DEREK SHEPPARD OF THE WORLD.

"But, we had plans... like the three of us I mean to meet at the bar tonight... and he after all sort of kind of was my boss today... plus it's so highly inappropriate and oh my god what if Dr. Kinselle found out he would...."

She felt his finger press firmly against her lips, forcing her to stop her words in their tracks. He smiled a sudden burst a laughter spurring from his perfectly formed lips. "You really are something else aren't you Grace?" he grinned, "Is everyone in Seattle this pensive?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she questioned slightly offended.

"It means go on the date," he smiled, although she couldn't help but notice the slight twinge of regret laced between his words.

*****************************************

She slipped the steaming coffee beside his arm, praying to god it would topple over onto his crisp snow white lab coat. He looked over at her and she could feel the same burning gaze focus on her as if she was some sort of cell under a microscope.

"So, you won't go out with me but you'll bring me coffee... what is this anyways? You do know it's 3 in the afternoon?"

"Mid-day pick me up."

"Uh-huh," he replied sceptical, as he turned to face the patient's room, locked inside one of the glass cages of the ICU, they had been raped of all privacy forced to air their every move to public eye. Both of them where young barley a day over 21, the woman was blonde and blued eyed... the husband draped himself over top of her, like an attempt to shelter her from the unknown, his chocolate locks glimmering in the afternoon sun. The both gazed at each other passionately, infatuated by the other every movement every breath, every word.

"What a shame..." Sheppard finally spoke, "Being married so young, they'll never know what they are missing, 30 bucks says they are divorced in a year. What is she in for anyways?"

"Subdural Hematoma, came in last night from a car accident... she was supposed to be my first solo brain surgery today until you came in...."

"So, you mad at me ... is that why you won't go on a date with me? Because you know I could've asked for a male resident some one far less attractive."

"No, that is not why. You are so full of yourself you know that?"

They stared at the couple for a moment; both fascinated by their happiness, their golden bands glistened in the suburban sunlight. They where both once so close to such fantasies, so close to the happily ever after, yet at the same time they where still so far.

"You know I think they are cute," she said protesting his earlier statement, " they found something perfect, in this imperfect world... they fought for it, and yes maybe they will never know anything else than each other, maybe they will never know dark, yet somewhat thrilling aspects of relationships, but thinking back on it all... some things, some things I was better off not knowing, sometimes I wish I was a naive as these to again, so pure, so innocent so in love."

"Hmmm," he said taking into consideration what she was saying. He gave her and odd looks, "Ever been in love ?"

"Once," she sighed, "It just wasn't meant to be." He nodded understandably looking down at her, she had forgotten how tall he was in proportion to her, only with heels would she be able to match his height. She gazed, back at him in slight disbelief, they had spent a day together and still he hadn't managed to crack the puzzle. Maybe Andre was right, maybe a date wouldn't be that bad of an idea, after all it was only one night and like Sheppard said himself, the chances where they would never see each other again.

"You know what," she smiled picking up her own coffee, "Dinner doesn't sound too bad. Meet me in the doctor's lounge at eight?"

"It's a date," he smiled in a business like manner, as he watched her walk away her chocolate locks bouncing behind her. "Wait, Dr. Grace..."

"Yes, ?"

He paused scanning her from head to toe, she felt rather awkward and in return shot him an appraising glance. "Yes Dr. Sheppard," she continued.

"Nothing," he sighed, "You just remind me of someone I knew, that all."

"I get that a lot," she smirked as she made her way down the hall.


	7. Chapter 5

They gazed at each other over ice cold beverages, laced with liquid courage. It was the best first date she had been on in year.... then again was this technically even a fist date? The dim bar light accented his masculine features bringing his defined jaw to life, and illuminating his thick brown locks. He wore dark wash denim broken in nicely by the hands of time, and god forbid that legendary red shirt. She was angled towards him intrigued by his every movement, he in return clasp his hand softly on her wrist.

"You know," he laughed, "I'm not sure if it's the alcohol but I could've sworn you had blue eyes this afternoon, no offensive but..."

"People say the change with the light," she laughed as she watched his finger run through her darkened hair, she was thankful he wasn't able to see through the cheep contacts she had borrowed from Amber earlier that day.

"Hmm," he said deep in thought.

"You table is ready Monsieur et Madame," a waiter said in an obviously overdone French accent.

"Uh, thanks... Pierre is it?" he questioned as he took her hand pulling her away from the bar, "Add these drinks to our tab."

"Of course Monsieur," the stumpy man smiled apprehensively.

Dinner went as usual, the same usual questioned one is asked upon their first date, the same usual answers. She had managed to answer every question flawlessly merging very little of Meredith into her new persona. She gazed at him as the walked through the frosty air that hovered in the parking lot, she didn't want it to end here, she needed just a little bit more. She watched him intently as he opened the door to the white hummer and let her slip inside like royalty.

"Wait," she screamed as the where about to round the corner leading back to the hospital.

"What?" he asked taken aback?

"Let me take you somewhere, make a left over there... please"

******************************************

It was nearing 11:30 and the stood on the same bridge overlooking the same river she had gazed upon for the first time only months ago. She had contemplated taking him to the ravine Andre had showed her but for some reason she had felt the desire not to share the location. It was almost sacred to her in a twisted sort of way.

"Wow, and I thought Seattle was beautiful," he gasped, "But this... this is..."

"Breathtaking," she sighed, "this was the first place I came when I moved here."

"Really, where's your hometown."

"Seattle," she smiled thinking back upon the memories the city held for her, the friends, and the rembrants of complicated family. "So," she began, "Who is the Grey in the Sheppard-Grey method?" She knew she should ask, but she needed to know if any part of her had lived on if she had left any sort of a legacy.

"Well, I think you mean who was the Grey...."

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean too...."

"It alright," he smiled taking a sip of the latte they had picked up on the way. "She was my girlfriend, soon to be fiancée I suppose before she disappeared, you have probably heard of her Mer-"

"Meredith Grey," she finished his sentence with absolute melodrama, she was horrible at this acting thing.

"Yea," he sighed. She looked at him, she knew she shouldn't pry but she needed to know more, she must. Information was power right? Right?

"What was it like?" she blurted out, "Coming home I mean... If you don't mind? I saw the case on the news well a lot recently."

He looked at her absurdly, startled by her being so upfront. He hesitated for a moment running his fingers through her hair again. "You know what," he contemplating sinking comfortably onto a nearby bench, "It would be nice to get this off my chest." She aligned herself beside him animated by the idea of the story he was about to tell, despite the fact she knew its bittersweet ending. He placed his arm around her shoulders almost in a protective manner and then began to speak.

************************************

Minutes, even hours has slipped through her fingers, the sun had long tucked itself in for a long nights nap, and she listened to his voice like a child, captivated upon hearing her first fairytale.

"So," he began placing his hand firmly on her thigh in a comforting matter, almost as if he knew what she was about to hear may break her , "I come home from a job interview, and as I round the corner something just doesn't feel right... It sound stupid but there are these moments in my life where I just know... I just know something is going to happen. So I pull into the driveway, and everything is the same, nothing highly out of the ordinary, yet something is different. Now of course her car was missing but one just......... one just assumes, it's nothing crucial... they ran out for milk.... or perhaps a page?"

Tears began to collect in the corners of his eyes, she wanted to stop him place her cold palms in his and pull him from the wreckage of the grim reality she created... but she needed to know, she needed this to put Meredith to rest, so Ellen could live.

"Now, when I open the door," the dark hair man pushed forward, "time stops. It only takes me a moment to take it all in, but that moment felt greater than an entire life time. To my left our overturned living room, the right her ID and scrubs laid crawled up in the corner, the way she left it this morning. You know I yelled at her, for being such a pack rat, I yelled...." He studied his feet for a moment, and then looked up at her revealing a set of tired painful eyes. "Then" he chocked, ".... Then I noticed the blood, thick pools of scarlet life that lure me into the kitchen. Maybe it was just because it was hers, but never in my life even as a surgeon have I seen that much blood. And the machine.... the message... that one last message..."

She picked up his hand, placing it into her lap, she could confess. "Hey, Derek... it me, I'm alive..." she thought to herself, "No ... she had gone this far she must continue"

"That last message...." he droned on almost in a daze. He suddenly shot her a painful expression, and she could feel her heart breaking.

"Derek," she sighed, "I'm so...."

"Sorry," he asked, rising to his feet suddenly enraged "So god dam sorry, like the rest of them.... the rest of them who claim to know what the hell I'm going through. I wanted to marry this woman, and here I am and you... you." He stared at her for a moment, furious yet some what intrigued, tension lured between the pair and suddenly, she felt him pull her up to his lips almost flawlessly in heroic manner, his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders. Closing her eyes, she wrapped her arms around his neck, the way Meredith had always done. They slowly pulled away both of them wanting to hold the moment for ever. Her knees went week and she let herself fall back on the wooden bench.

"That thing..." he stuttered, shocked with his own spontaneous action "That thing... with you arms..."

"I'm sorry," she apologized suddenly shy, " I-"

"It's good," he smiled, toying with his keys in his immaculate hands, the hands of an immaculate surgeon.

"It's her," she sighed teary eyed, "that's who I remind you of, right? Meredith?"

"Yea,"

She looked at him, letting of a sigh she let her head fall heavily into her hands, "What the hell are we doing? You're my teacher... I won't do this not again."

"What?" he asked intrigued.

"Nothing, just take me back to the hospital."

"Okay," he sighed wrapping his arm around her leading her back to the oversized white hummer, she paused glaring at the vehicle, so many memories.

"On second thought," she said flailing her hands in a manner that made it all about her, "I think I'll take a cab."

"You sure?" he protested.

"Yea,"

"Alright," he smiled pulling the door shut behind him.

"Wait," she called before he could close her out of his life forever, "I do know what it's like... to not be with the one you love.... I just thought you should know that. I do know."

"Alright," he said softly "Goodbye Ellen Grace"

"Goodbye Derek Sheppard," she sighed her words trailing off into the darkness, "Goodbye."


	8. Chapter 6

She a strained smiled crossed her face, as she held back the waterfall of tears that was about to fall from her eyes. "This should cover it," she whispered barely able to get the words out, "just keep the change." She quickly turned on her heel and raced down the hall frantically looking for a place to hide. The path in front of her became blurred by a coat of bittersweet tears.

"Ellen," a voice called after her, but she ignored them as she slipped into the on call room the darkness soothing her fiery emotions. Pacing she could feel her chest go tight, she couldn't breathe..... She heard someone enter the darkness behind her locking the door with a quiet click behind them. They sat her down on the bed and placed their hand softly on her shoulder waiting. She panted trying to form words, but successfully failed. She looked up at them, her face slightly blue from the lack of oxygen.

"You alright," they questioned softly, "because..."

"Yea," she mumbled.

The dim moonlight, light up his golden hair, admitignly she was slightly disappointed to find Andre the instead of Derek. But, this was who she was now.

"How was your date," he smiled.

"Great... Perfect Actually,"

"Then what's the problem?"

She looked at him... she had been harbouring this secret way to long, she had to tell someone ... anyone. Gazing into his deep hazel eyes she felt guilty how she could place such a burden on him. He looked at her hopefully as if he wanted to fix whatever problem she had.

"I need to tell you something....." she began; he looked at her puzzled at her unusual statement.

"Okay, go for it... I'm here."

"Not, here" she sighed tracing small circles on the white sheets with her finger tips.

"Okay, then," he laughed in an attempt to ease the tension, "What are you some kind of criminal or something?"

If only he knew what he was about to get himself into.

****************************

She sat in the middle of the dark apartment, the room alight only by a small yellow light omitting from the corner. He brought her a glass of white wine and sat adjacent to her in an oversized pale leather armchair. She fixed her gaze on the Spokane skyline, alive with miniature cars buzzing between the streets like fruit flies over a decaying apple. His eyes burned into her hungry for the knowledge she had dangled above him earlier that evening.

"So..." he spoke pulling his fingers though his golden hair, she could never decided weather she like the way he spiked his poker straight blonde locks into a miniature forest of gold trees on his head. Either was she thought the look suited him. They sat in silence both gazing out the window memorised by the quick movement of light across the city streets. She didn't want to break his perception of her, but she knew now she was obligated to, maybe she couldn't tell Derek, but Andre, Andre was one of those men that deserved better, that deserved to know. "Ellen," he continued, "You said...."

"I know," she cut him off, "I just need a moment....."

She took one last gaze at the city skyline, the perfection the purity of her life in this city would be destroyed in the matter of 3 words, when she said them she had to be ready. She took a long look at him, remembering the moment they shared a week ago. He returned her gaze, and she knew it was now or never.

"I'm Meredith Grey," she began, "the girl they where looking for on the news, the one that went missing months ago... I'm her. And, that man at the hospital the perfect one, the "superhero", the one who took me out tonight, that was her boyfriend. According to him, she no longer exists, she gone.... forever, and he can never know. The reason why I knew the Sheppard-Grey method was because I helped create it. And why I'm telling you this is beyond me...."

"You have to be kidding me,"

She shook her head, her throat grew tense as if she wanted to cry but her eyes where dry, she has cried far too many times tonight. He slipped beside her wrapping her in his arms, and she obediently placed her head on his shoulder. "I haven't slept since I got here... I just always figure I'll wake up, and they will be there waiting to drag me back to Seattle back too..." They sat quietly in the dim light her word trailing off into empty space.

"Why?" he finally asked, she shot him a look that read don't go there, "Come on... I'm not only promising not to reveal you secret superhero surgeon identity to the world, but I also paid for your lunch yesterday."

A smile crept across her face; she couldn't help it despite the grim topic of conversation she couldn't help but laugh. "As stupid as it sounds," She sighed to herself, "I broke him. Like Andre, I'm complicated... well obviously but before he was just so happy, he was Derek... and with me. I forced him to do the clinical trial, and I was never there, and he lost so many patients..... I broke the man, and he would never let go of me, when probably it would've been the best thing for him... It was complicated."

"I can do complicated," the blonde smiled stroking his fingers along her jaw line. She felt indescribable, here she was probably the most screwed up woman in the world and here he loved every minute of her presence. He leaned in closer and she could feel his lips brush lightly against hers; she wrapped her arms around his neck as the kiss intensified. Her mind flashed back to the field of candles to Derek standing there the bottle of champagne tightly clenched in his hand. Frantically she pushed him away and sprang to her feet.

"I'm sorry it's just...."

"You don't know if you are Ellen or Meredith... am I right?" he sighed.

"Yea... how did you know?"

"There is more to me then you think," he smiled rising to his feet to meet her, "I'm not just this awesomely pretty face."

"Is there now," she laughed taking note to the way he placed his hands on her hips.

"How about, you crash in my room tonight... and I'll take the couch and keep guard making sure the fuzz don't come after you."

"You don't have to do that..."

"I do," he smiled, "Clean blankets are on the third shelf of the closet just to the left."

"Okay," she agreed like a child her voice soft and sweet, "Goodnight."

"Night"

She slipped into the bedroom floating on air, he was... amazing. As she slipped under the covers her mind began to wander... why didn't he freak out, call the cops. She had heard on the radio that a great sum of money had been offered for any information about the case. But most importantly she pondered over his own words, _there is more to me then you think....._

******************************

She awoke the next morning to the sweet smell of coffee dancing through the room, as well as the warmth omitted from the Washington sunlight. The morning radio played softly in the background, and drew her from bed and into the kitchen.

"I always knew you where a country boy," she laughed as she admired him dancing to Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash.

"Grew up on a ranch in rural Montana," he smiled,"It's in my blood."

"Uh-Huh," she chuckled positioning herself on the barstool adjacent to where he was cutting a variety of peppers, she popped one in her mouth in a flirty matter as she rested her head on the island. "You working today?"

"Wasn't planning on it, but I guess a 12 year old kid was admitted last night... called in some big shot peds surgeon to consult and is convinced all the fellows need a tune up. He's been this way ever since we out ranked Seattle Grace in Washington... wants to keep it that way." The name gave her shivers; he looked up at her unsure of what set her off. "Oh, I'm sorry Ellen... I didn't"

"It's fine," she sighed, "just a bit ... well lost."

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully, "You need to get away." He spontaneously walked over to the fridge and ripped a tiny card from it's home on the fridge door. "Ah, here we go... best burgers in Washington, guaranteed."

She held the tiny card in her fingers, it read:

_Royal Joes_

_Best Burgers in town, Open 9:00am-10: pm Monday through Saturdays. Sundays open 8:00am-3:30pm._

_Thompson, WA._

"You kidding me," she exclaimed, "You want me to drive two and half hours for a hamburger?"

"Okay, woman... do not insult the hamburgers, and no I want you to drive two and half hours to get away. There are some nice hiking paths down there, lots of scenery it's not far off of the mountains, as well the people are amazing."

"Seriously?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

An insistent beeping brought the two from their world into reality's. She looked up at him his face disappointed by his page. He looked up at her, and shrugged they both knew there was nothing they could do.

"Go," she insisted, "I'm going out for burgers anyways."

"Seriously, you'll love them."

"Goodbye,"

"Bye Elle"

With that he was gone, she glanced down at the tiny manila card, and she really could use a get away. She reached for her jacket on the back of couch and took one glance around the apartment. It resembled hers a lot, the pile of week old bills on the coffee table and the lack of housekeeping, but the view. She had looked for weeks for a view like this and had only drew one conclusion, you either have to inherit a place like this or have money coming out of the ying-yang. She took a long gaze out of the window, and noticed two cop cars stopping Andre as he left the building, she knew she shouldn't be paranoid but something inside her told her to run. She quickly grabbed her keys off of the coffee table and raced out of the building.

"M'am," the younger of the two officers questioned. He was noticeably Hispanic and carried with him and all too familiar photo. "Do you know of, or have seen this woman?"

"No," she responded sharply looking herself into the eyes. "I believe I don't... well other than on the news... that's um Meredith Grey isn't it?"

"Mhmm," the older cop smiled, "found the car right here in this complex, we think she may have escaped... may be alive and be too afraid to return home."

She looked around her, she knew last night the building had seemed too familiar, she panicked wondering if she had managed to slip in her newly purchased emerald contacts.

"Ma'm do you live here?" the older cop asked, his salt and pepper hair brought out by the afternoons suburban sunshine.

"No, I'm just a visitor, but I'm sorry I really am in a rush." With that she pushed through the two cops and into the black corvette she had purchased with her signing bonus with St. Lucas General. Racing onto the street she was shocked the two officers didn't pull her over for a ticket, but she assumed they where two preoccupied with their search, little did they know for about a minute and thirty-two seconds they had found her.


	9. Chapter 7

She walked into the small town diner drenched from the afternoon showers, a miniature bell rang as she entered the joint, and a red headed woman welcomed her with a wide smile and sparkling green eyes. The streaks of white in her frizzy locks indicated she was at least in her later fifties; her aged frame was draped in an emerald smock and black wide legged slacks. She almost looked as if she could've walked right out of the 70's.

"Hey, Hun" the woman smiled a slight accent she couldn't quite pinpoint hovering within her voice, "Gimmie a minute, okay?"

She nodded and slipped into a booth in the far back corner of the restaurant. It was a 60's theme diner with a variety of pictures of people in rugged jeans and colourful blouses stocked on the walls. Across from her lay the oversized aqua counter that the woman hunched over tallying some sort of coin, in the background she noticed the soft humming of an environmentally themed ballad. She picked up her cell scanning it for messages, the was no reception in this god forsaken place.... Andre was so dead if these weren't the best dam burgers, she had ever eaten.

"Waiting for a call Hun, you know those technicalogical devices of all you younglings are pretty much useless out here,"

"Figured," she sighed clicking the phone of.

"So what will it be?"

"Umm, well actually," she hesitated, "a friend told me that you had the and I quote, _Best dam burgers in Washington State."_The woman looked at her for a moment then laughed hysterically making her feel slightly out of place, this was the right restaurant, she was positive.

"And," the woman laughed, "Did this friend happen to be an Andre?"

"Well yea-"

"That boy," the woman smiled, "You know he's been the best dam thing for business, donno where I'd be without the kid. So I guess it's on State burger for you then right Hun? What you drinking?"

"Ah, water would be good thanks."

"Al right hunny, I will be right back." With that the woman sauntered off leaving her alone in the dinner. It obviously was a slow day for business most likely due to thunder that threatened anyone who left the comfort of their homes. It was a freak afternoon storm, spur of the moment just like this endeavour she had taken. She stared at the images on the wall one particular captured her attention. It was only one of 3 color pictures in the joint, and looked like it was taken on ranch of some sort. Amongst the massive crowd of people she noticed one particularly blonde man. That wasn't it couldn't be.....

"Cute boy ain't he?" the woman smiled balancing a plate of food on the center of her left palm.

"Yea, I supposed," she smiled her cheeks turning a dusty rose.

"You know," the woman said approaching her, "He's told me about you Ellen is it? Right? My golly that boy has had his eyes on you for weeks now. Told me about how you performed some cranio-whatnot, in your first week.... of course I don't get any of the medical mumble jumble, but the boy really likes you." She couldn't help but feel her heart skip a beat, as his face flourished into a deep red.

"Seriously?" she asked.

"Yea, now sit down eat, you doctors are all so thin.... you know since my Andre first started I swear he's lost 50 pounds... "

"I'm sorry," she questioned, "your Andre's ....."

"Aunt," The woman laughed, "Aunt Gloria, but I practically raised the boy since he was 16, you know that mother of his... well wasn't much a mother at all, but you probably don't know what any of that's like do ya... you seem like the all American Girl. Cheer Team in high school, defiantly valid Victorian am I right?"

"No actually," she smiled, "I do know what it's like, my mother was a surgeon... fairly absent, and my farther left when I was very young so... well defiantly not your cheerleader type."

"Oh, Hun... I'm so sorry."

"It's Alright," she smiled.

"You know I'm so happy for Andre," Gloria smirked stealing a fry from her plate and swinging it around in the air, "You know, you're his first girl friend since Victoria... since Chicago."

"Victoria," she unintentionally asked allowed.

"Did he not tell you, that rascal, you know you tell him to be open from the start of a relationship, and what does he do cover it all up. I swear you have to pry every detail from that boy's mouth."

"Well, I wouldn't really call it a relationship."

"Victoria," the redhead continued ignoring her statement, "was his ex-fiancée, he just left her high and dry one day never really told anyone why. Lord only knows what goes on in that boys head some days."

"Really?" she asked suddenly understanding his coolness about last night.

"Mhmm," Gloria sighed hunching over the counter pausing for a moment, "So Ellen Grace, what's your story, it seems like you fled to Spokane pretty quickly."

She glanced down at her near empty plate and then at Gloria's eager face that had aged with time. Okay seriously how could she lie to this woman, he practically was his mother, and something about her.... seemed so... trustworthy.

***************************************************

She wrapped her chilly hands around the warm cup of tea Gloria had made for her, the woman re-entered the room as gracefully as a swan balancing two freshly baked pieces of apple pie in her hands. She placed both plates softly on the table smothering them in a coat of thick vanilla ice-cream. She watched intently resting her head on the counter.

"Tired, Hun?"

"Yea," she yawned lifting her head up as Gloria slid a piece of pie in front of her.

"You know Hun, my place ain't that far from here, I don't have much but I do have a sofa. You could spend the night drive back once this nasty storm has cleared. You know many folk get lost out there on those highways in weather like this, god forbid you become one of them."

She glanced at her watch contemplating the proposal, it was nearing 7'oclock she had manage to waste away a whole day in this tiny small town dinner. Taking a bite of her pie, she glared out the window which fostered an image of a forest that was masked by a thick coat of rain.

"Thanks but no thanks," she smiled, "I should get back."

"Wanting to see Andre, ah I get it, Hun... believe it or not 30 years ago I was you.... young and in love."

"See ya Gloria," she smiled pulling on her jacket and snatching one last mouthful of apple pie.

"Bye, Bye Darlin," the red head grinned kissing her on either check, "now you better well call me, Ellen, or Meredith... who am I even supposed to call you."

"It' Ellen," she yawned, "As far as anyone knows always has been."

"Now you sure ya'll don't want to stay the night... I have tequila and movies."

"As tempting as that is Gloria," she laughed as she pushed open the door. The rain was coming down harder than ever and she could see tiny speckles of hail mixed within the heavy down pour of water. She raced into the black corvette and flicked on her phone, it rang almost instantly.

"Hey," the voice laughed, "How where the burgers?"

"Oh, My gosh Andre just give me a second okay," she answered swerving the vehicle out of the parking lot, within a matter of seconds she was on the freeway.

"Where are you should I call back," he asked.

"No it's fine," she yawned, "Just hard to see through all this rain." She could see the set of lights in the distance faint little white balls hovering ahead of her.

"I know," he continued, "about three different accidents, Kinselle was going mad. Are you sure this is a good time? Maybe you should pull over Elle." She hesitated squinting through the window, she could barley see the 1m in front of her.

"I'm fine," she persisted yawning again, searching for the faint pair of white light she was following. She squinted again for a moment noticing they had gotten significantly brighter. Shit. She pulled the wheel to the right praying she could make it into the ditch, but it was too late. She could feel her head slam against the air bag, her face leaving a deep impression within it.

"Elle," a voice echoed from afar, "Elle are you there?" She pulled her head up reaching for the phone, only to let it fall heavily against the airbag. She could hear the rain pounding against the vehicles metal frame, "Elle," the voice continued, "Elle answer me!" She could feel a trinkle of blood roll down the side of her head. "Elle," they echoed with urgency, "I'm calling 9-1-1." She listened to the rainwater as its intensity grew and as the scene before her faded to a black as dark as night.

**********************************************

She could her clips of their conversation as well as a constant humming that hovered around them. She looked up to see two paramedics and a variety of equipment dangling above her.

"Take the woman to Seattle Grace by helicopter," a female voice ordered, "Ted and I will take the man to Spokane General once the other chopper arrives."

"You sure?" a man questioned.

"Yes, she's defiantly the more urgent case.... go now."

She fought to pull off the oxygen mask, honestly she felt fine, she could wait to be taken to Spokane General, but she didn't have time to protest in another moment he world was consumed by darkness again.

************************************************

She flicked open her eyes revealing an array of blue scrubs hovering around her like bees. Medical equipment dangled above her and she could feel them poking at her like some sort of expirement.

"Ma'm" a familiar voice asked, "Do you know where you are what happened?"

She looked around squinting through the contacts that had managed to slip slightly from their position, she frantically pushed herself upward so she could take them out.

"Ma'm," the voiced yelled out, "You need to lie down." It was obviously Cristina she had remembered that angry drone when they had worked together on a trauma case in the ER just before she disappeared.

"Ma'm," she yelled forcing her down, "Can somebody sedate her?"

And with that her world went black.


	10. Chapter 8

He awoke to the annoying ring of the phone adjacent to his bed; slowly he rolled his tired body over reaching for the receiver. He froze for a second realizing he was lying where she used to sleep, just months ago he would've had to reach over her tiny frame to answer any call. The phone persisted to ring and after a slight delay he had managed to clasp it in his hand.

"Dr. Sheppard," a man's voice boomed into the receiver,

"Yes," he said in a groggy manner,

"It's Detective Shulmers, FBI... you case was passed on to me on Monday... I'm sorry for waking you at this hour, but It was made aware to me that you where in Spokane right?"

"Yea," he groaned, "What's this about... they told me Meredith was most likely dead by now. Have you found her?" His voice began to crack and he swallowed hard trying to keep himself together for the rest of the call.

"Umm... no Dr. Sheppard, actually we hit a wall in your case, see Derek? Right?"

"Uh-huh," he chocked.

"Well, Derek we can place the suspects at all the home invasions other than the one at your residence. We where wondering if you knew if Meredith had any enemies, people she didn't particularly get along with?"

"Not really," he sighed can't we do this in the morning.

"I assure Derek, I am calling at this hour only because it's urgent sir, if she is still alive we have to act quickly... I know it's been months and this difficult for you but you wouldn't believe how some of these cases turn out. We once found a woman 6 months after her disappearance..." the man trailed on, "was there any conflict in your an Meredith relationship?"

"No," he hesitated, "well, umm sort of I guess...."

"Mhmm," the man continued, "Is the anything that could've provoked her to fake her own death, Dr. Sheppard?"

"What," he exclaimed slightly appalled by the question, "she would never... "

"You'd be surprised Dr. Sheppard, it's always the people you least expect... Now I want you to look around the house, look for any indication that she might alive somewhere out there. M'kay? And call me personally or leave a message with my secretary Rhonda in the next few days."

He clicked off the phone, in a daze ... she would never, they where Meredith and Derek. Then again he had never expected her drown herself in the deep murky waters bordering Seattle. Although it wasn't entirely her fault he knew she could dam well swim. He paused for a moment gazing out the window, the sun was just begging to crawly over the mountainous skyscrapers that had invaded the city. Glancing at the clock he realized it was only 3:45 am, but he knew he wouldn't get back to sleep, at least not for tonight anyways. He pulled himself out of bed, and began to get dress pulling on a dark cashmere sweater over a crisp blue shirt. He glanced at her side of the closet; empty... he had refused to hang up her clothes after the break in... He knew she wouldn't need them again.

A different kind of ring pulled him from his dazed, and he snatched the tiny pager from the night stand. It read: "9-1-1, come ASAP." Great just what he needed at this hour some idiot who had managed to bash their head into their dashboard during last night's storm.

**********************************

"What have we got?" he asked barging into the trauma room. The room was crowded with a variety of people and he could barley see the patient lying on the table. Everyone seemed in somewhat of a daze, memorized by something in the room.

"Yang," he yelled, "What's going on?"

"Sorry sir... it's just.... she looks so much like..."

"Yang," he insisted.

"28 year old female," Karev began, "internal bleeding and possible head trauma, proceeding a car accident 2 hours out of Settle. We had to sedate her after she attempted to sit up."

"Thanks," he sighed pushing his way through the sea of pale blue scrubs, he stared at the woman puzzled. "Ellen?"

"Dr. Sheppard," somebody asked "are you alright?"

"Yea," he shivered examining the familiar face, "Um, take her down to CT Karev; page me when you're done. Yang get your act together.... we all know better."

"Yes Sir," they replied almost in unison.

**********************************************

He sat in his office, sipping a freshly brewed cup of coffee, it was barley 6 am and he had already managed to guzzle down three of beverages, if only he had a shot of rum to slip into them. He had to admit Ellen Grace possessed startling resemblance to Meredith, he would've sworn if he would not have know better he would've made the same presumptions as Cristina when he first laid eyes on the woman in Spokane. The eerie part was not only the woman's appearance but her mannerisms. Her voice, he hand motions, and god her kiss how they resembled his deceased girlfriend. His mind drifted back to the detective's presumptions; okay now he was going crazy there was no way Meredith would've pulled such an outrageous stunt off in such short time. She was alone for what 4 hours top?

"Dr. Sheppard," a female voice interrupted.

"Yes, Yang?" he droned.

"You have to see this!"

He followed the woman down the hall to the CT room, Alex and a familiar nurse sat inches away from the screen their jaws practically hanging at their knees.

"What's up?" he asked flipping through the seemingly perfect CT scan, "Everything looks fine, a minor concussion... really lucky girl." He glanced over at the pair now joined by Yang who looked as amazed as they where. "Okay," he continued, "What the hell is going on?"

"No Appendix," Karev chocked.

"You mean you drug me all the way down here to tell me out patient is missing her appendix?" he exclaimed pushing Karev back from the adjacent computer, "My God, look at that internal bleeding did any of you notice that? The fact she is missing her appendix is the least of our concerns. Did someone page Bailey?"

"Um... NO Sir," Yang stuttered, "I will right now."

"Don't bother," he protested "I will, and I don't want you or as a matter of fact any of your backwards interns near this woman. She is not Meredith Grey, Meredith is dead... we all know that no matter what the cops think?"

"Wait," Yang called chasing him out of the door, "They think... they think she could still be.... alive?"

"Yang, I don't have time for this... I have to prep out patient, Ellen Grace for surgery."

He sat in the dark room with the familiar brunette, caressing her arm. Bailey should be here any minute ready to whisk her away for mending. He looked at the woman long and hard, if only she could be her, it would make so many things so much easier. Looking closer her could see a trickle of run down the side of her check; he followed the stream up to a gash hidden within the woman's locks. "Those two," he thought, so distracted by their delusions they had missed the 2 inch gash on the side of her head. He reached for a nearby suture kit, and parted the woman's hair to reveal the wound. He stitched the skin together flawlessly, not noticing the pale blonde roots that had begun to appear till the final cut of the thread. Suddenly he jolted back the suture kit falling to the floor with a loud thud.

The past few months raced through his mind, every moment up to his encounters with this mysterious Ellen Grace. The untraceable crime scene with only their own prints, the cops call, her attitude, her smile, he eyes.... they where blue, and most importantly her kiss.

"Derek," Dr. Bailey intruded her eyes falling on the scattered equipment, "What's Up?"

"I shouldn't be with this patient... I shouldn't be here now..." he rambled, "I'm not allowed to be on this case... it's against hospital policy."

"What the hell are you talking about Dr. Sheppard?" the woman questioned.

"It's conflict of interest,"

"Alright then," she said quixotically, as she began to wheel the patient away.

"It's conflict of interest, because this is Meredith Grey," he shouted the ward glaring at him.

"You mean that girl on TV," a patient called out.

"Derek how can you be sure," the woman asked.

"Look," he demanded pulling back her hair revealing blonde roots, "She is the right age, height size, she has blue eyes, they are the same blood type... and fore god sake she is missing her appendix. Check the DNA I dare you."

"Derek," the woman sighed, "We all know this is hard for you but..."

"But what..." he panted, his breath suddenly heavy, "Even ask Yang and Karev." She looked at him for a moment and then back at one of the interns that stood adjacent to her. She sighed glancing down at the woman who slept peacefully unaware of the chaos her presence was creating.

"Get some blood," she droned, "Derek Sheppard you dam well better be right about this." He watched her as she pushed the gurney down the hall to OR one. He could feel droplets of sweat forming on his forehead, she was alive, he knew she was. A sudden rage of emotion swept over the man, who was unsure of weather to be angry or relived. He looked up to see a familiar man standing at the nurses desk, he remembered him from St. Lucas... a paediatric resident he believed. He saw her with Ellen, he meant Meredith, a lot. He approached him with caution unsure of what to say.

"You here for Ellen Grace?"

"Yea," the man sighed, "She was in an accident, what happened."

"I don't know the details but apparently was hit head on by a drunk driver in the storm last night, they just took her down for surgery. Very lucky woman... If you don't mind me asking how are you associated to Ellen?"

"Umm... friend" The man stuttered, "Actually probably more of a friend with benefits I suppose."

"Uh-huh," he said suddenly losing the friendly tone in his voice. Okay now he was angry.

"It's Derek Sheppard, right?"

"Yeah," he smiled apprehensively taking the man's hand, "And?"

"Andre Rousseau," he man smiled, completely unaware of whom he was meeting.


	11. Chapter 9

The room was dark and uninviting, and a pale sliver of moonlight crawled though the cheep plastic blinds spreading itself out along the linoleum floor. Her eyelids felt heavy but she longed for answers as opposed to sleep. Letting out a slight yawn her eyes focused on a dim figure that sat in the adjacent corner. Immediately she recognized the familiar frame that sat almost lifelessly besides for the slight twitching movements his hands made as he jotted notes on a patients chart. He sensed her movement and immediately shot his gaze in her direction those deep blue eyes interlocking with her own. She quickly pulled away, but he pursued his footsteps soft as he approached the bed.

No words needed to be spoken between the couple it was almost as if each ones sins had been exposed amidst that short 30 second gaze. She felt his fingers softly pull though her hair, but she couldn't help but notice the emptiness that had once been ignited by sparks with such a simply action. Instinctively she pulled him closer for a kiss, and he obeyed willing to do anything for a ghost. She closed her eyes but could not ignore the same hollow sensation in her heart.

"Meredith," he whispered as their lips separated.

"I'm sorry," she apologized feeling suddenly shameful. She watched him look at her relieved, hurt, and confused. His face looked as if it had aged prematurely and she couldn't help but notice the odd streaks of grey stress had painted on the black canvas.

"Why?" he chocked pronouncing the word to the best of his abilities. The word echoed through the room, and created a numbing pain through her body. She gazed at him long and hard, and determined he deserved nothing better then the truth.

"I broke you." She cried a simple tear rolling down her check. She gently wiped it off with her manicured hand, but it was quickly followed but another, then another, which was then followed by and array of tears that formed a steady flow of water pouring from her eyes. She could feel her body begin to shake, and her breath grow short. She also couldn't help but notice the manner in which his sturdy arms had consoled her shaking body, and how his hand gently pressed her head against his chest. "I broke you Derek," she mumbled into his sweater, "I broke you."

*************

After what felt like hours she slowly pushed herself away for him. The air felt cold and she longed to burry herself in his sweater, to melt back into his arms, but she knew anything on her behalf for this point on would be forced. His hand caressed her jaw line softly hinting at a kiss but instead she pulled it down holding in hers as she placed it softly on the cotton sheets.

"Um, my belongings" she asked hesitantly knowing all to well of what became of most accidents victims possessions. Her hand flung nervously in the air as she spoke, praying to god they hadn't cut everything into a million threads in order to remove it from her body.

"The clothes where a wreck," he sighed, "But your jewellery is here." He presented her with a plastic bag and fumbled with the zip lock seal until finally she was able to reach her shaky hand into it. She toyed with the objects in the bag for a moment before pulling out a long silver chain that wore a familiar diamond ring. His eyes grew wide upon its presentation, and she carefully opened his palm and placed the cold metal into the center of his hand.

"I always planned to return this to you," she smiled awkwardly wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. "I just never knew how."

He slowly closed his palm pondering over her statement. He laughed to himself as he begun to toy with the ring. The moonlight caught a hold of the diamond reflecting a miniature rainbow onto the wall adjacent to the couple. He took he hand.

"I always planned on giving you this ring some how," he sighed slipping it onto the appropriate finger, "But I just never knew how." She gazed at the diamond and how it seemed to feel at home on her finger, but he slid it off knowing as well as she did that although the picture seemed perfect it wasn't meant to be.

He slowly slid of the bed placing the ring onto the table as he approached the door. He paused for a second, before leaving. "Meredith," he began, "The ring, the house, the fairytale ending... it's still all yours if you want it. My love will always be yours if you want it." She opened her mouth to speak but he quickly stopped her. "If this was ever to work again we need to make progress. So I am saying something, and then in two days when you're out of here you will meet me at Joes with and answer. Because that's progress right? I say something then you say something back."

The familiarity of his speech soothed her, and she considered his offer for the first time this evening. Gazing out the window she noticed a thin streak of sunlight creep over the dark horizon igniting life in the emerald city. Her eyes again grew heavy and satisfied with the information she had been presented she allowed herself to drift off to sleep.


	12. Chapter 10

The sun kissed her check softly, pulling her from her sleep. Slowly she opened her eyes revealing a pleasantly sun lit room filled with an array flowers and cards the nurses must have delivered while she was sleeping. Apparently the whole hospital had heard of her resurrection. Pulling herself upright she caught a glimpse of Andre sleeping quietly in the corner omitting a childlike essence. Her mind re-wound to last night's conversation with Derek, which inevitable pulled her eyes to the ring that lay awkwardly on the table. Andre's eyes fluttered open, and he shot her a sleepy smile and slowly stood up yawning to himself. A smile crept across his face and she opened her mouth to speak, but found his lips pressing against hers. She loved the confident manner in which he kissed her, a perfect way to wish her a good morning.

"Good Morning to you too." She gasped somewhat out of breath. He stroked his fingers though her hair and she could feel her body go weak.

"You know you are in big trouble Missy. Crashing you car like that. Seriously do you have no respect at all for luxury vehicles?" he teased.

"What can I say," she smiled, "Deep down inside I have always been a Mercedes girl, the Corvette was just a phase."

"Lame attempt at sarcasm," he laughed pulling her closer resting his fore head against hers, "But since you're injured I guess I have to let it slide." She closed her eyes, his minty breath warm against her face; slowly she re-opened them only to be blinded but a sudden flicker of white light. She jerked her head away immediately acknowledging the shiny silver demon in front of her. Frantically she reached for it, to slip it away from his sight but he was to quick clasping on to the diamond ring before she could even make a move. He studied it for a moment his eye brows stern, his lips tightly pressed together.

"Elle," he spoke sternly the name sounding somewhat foreign to her and it took a moment for her to respond to his questioning.

"It's, it's nothing... honestly," she stuttered, "I told him to take it back, but he insisted I at least think about it." His face grew red, and he sighed sarcastically.

"And you're regretting it right, honestly Elle, what this man did to you. The master escape you made everything you have worked for. The wonderful person you are now. How can you give her up for him?"

"Andre," she protested suddenly offended, who was he to lecture her? "I'm not sure if I am her, and I'm not sure if I can give up Meredith for you."

His face froze, and she could sense a feeling of shock engulf his whole body. He ran his fingers though his hair and began to pace frantically in thought. He pause clasped onto the plastic bed frame his eyes glaring into hers. "I know how you feel," he began, "If you just stick with it this regret will pass. Just..."

"How the hell do you know how I feel Andre? Honestly? Have you ever fake your death, leaving the most perfect man behind, have you lived a lie Andre? Have you?" her voice was strong and filled with anger and she could feel a stream of tears roll down her cheek.

"Trust me I know," he sighed his voice suddenly quiet and childish his eyes connected with hers for a moment before he pulled away a headed towards the door.

"Hold on," she demanded, "How the hell do you expect me to let you walk away from a statement like that." His eyes grew fierce and she suddenly felt afraid that she had overstepped one to many lines.

"I left her," he sighed rummaging through his wallet; he presented her with a picture of himself with a daunting young brunette. He held his breath for a moment before proceeding, "I loved her, but she wasn't herself with me. She wanted a family a fairytale, I wanted an adventure. I just couldn't break her dreams, but at the same time I couldn't sacrifice my own.... so I just left drove across the country until I found someplace that felt like home." She could see tears gather in his eyes and he positioned himself softly onto her bed. She clutched her knees tightly trying to stop the stream of tears the familiarity of his story had brought on. "I," he began, "I regretted it every day until I saw you in that elevator, something about you was so luring so intriguing I couldn't resist. You weren't like other women pawning for attention, yet at the same time you looked like if you where given the chance you'd have one hell of a story to tell." She felt his hand clasp tightly around hers and she accepted the gesture. "We are not even close to being ready for rings, or happily ever after, but Ellen you have taken so many risks already would it be selfish to ask you just to take one more." With this he leaned in and kissed her strongly, passionately, strong enough that every bone in her body ached for more when he pulled away. Her mouth opened to speak but she was interrupted by a familiar burst of excitement.

"Meredith," Christina gasped racing into the room Andre had quickly departed and she began to call his name but within seconds he was gone. Alex, George, Lexie and Izzy quickly flooded into the room bearing a collection of stuffed plushies, flowers and gift baskets. The familiar faces brought her an undeniable happiness but Andres words continued to drift though her mind.


	13. Chapter 11

The bar was dim, as always he sat alone sipping on the last rembrants of a beer. The news blared in the background, another car accident, another shooting, another loss of life. He could see the pity the bartender held for him in his eyes, it was almost unbearable, so in response he hung his head low over a pair of pinched shoulders, hiding his face from the crowd.

"Dude," the bartender said with enocouragement, " She'll totally come you two are like a living legend. Modern Cinderella story if you ask me."

"I don't know Joe," he sighed, " I never came." The man looked at him sympathetically and slid him another glass of beer, he gulped down the remainder of his glass and put up his hand in protest.

"I think it's time to switch to hard liqure for the night"

"Double Malt Scotch on the rocks it is then," the bartender hovered above him for a moment waiting for some sort of emotional out burst, when he presented none the man quietly prepared his drink and approached a unfamiliar couple on the other side of the bar. He held the cold glass in his hand finally aware of the aniexty he must have plagued Meredith with only a few years ago. He could hear a burst of excitement burst though the bar but did not raise his head to join, it was probably just Alex claiming another victory at the dart board.

"Tequila," a familiar female voice spoke, " you know how I like it Joe."

"Well look who was raised from the dead," the bartender laughed, his head shot up instantly revealing not Ellen but Meredith. Scanning her from head to toe he noticed many differences within her character, the converse had been replaced with a sleek pair of black heeled ankle boots, opposed to jeans she wore a crisp pair of wide legged trousers paired with a set of elegant white gold earings. A familiar dark trenchcoat drapped over her right arm, as well the familiar navy sweater which clung tightly to her petite frame. It occurred to him that she wore that same sweater the day she left. He took another glance at her and for the first time noticed her dark chocolate locks had evanescend back into their familiar ash blonde hue. She was defiantly Meredith, yet somehow he didn't feel much more at ease. She hovered around for a few moments with a new grace, catching up with old friends and awkwardly acception hugs, and tears. Finally after what felt like moments she managed to make her way over to him. Usually it was him leaning confidently over the counter, telling her goodbye well she filled herself with achol and toxic lovers. She wore that two familiar look on her face, that look he too had worn before.

"Derek," she sighed pulling the ring out of her pants pocket and sliding it towards him. The gesture said everything he needed to know. "I just can't, there is to much..."

"Water under the bridge," he finished her sentence. The sat in silence morning the death of a Seattle Grace Legacey. He looked at her, she seemed happy yet somewhat saddened he glass of tequila had long been emptied, and the tips of her hair spilled into it.

"I was hopping I could stay here," she sighed, "If you don't mind. Richard offered me my job back at Seattle Grace, and I called this afternoon. But if it's to awkward..."

"It's fine," he smiled looking at her although he knew it wouldn't be.

"You can keep the house," she rambled, "Cristina said I could stay with her, and that and it would be weried living with Iz and Alex now since apparently they have a thing... and I heard you have spent more time there then the trailor soo it would be easier ... Also I will pick up my stuff..."

He let her trail off knowing it was what she needed to do in order to grasp the magnitude of her situation. He knew this would be hard for her, he tried to focus but his eyes kept gazing down at her lips which where coated with a light pink sheer. He wanted to lean in to kiss her passionitly to take her home, to do everything like he used to but he knew that was no longer his place. He toyed with the ring in his hands unsure if he would beable to give it to any woman but Meredith. The ring was the splitting image of her, beautiful yet aged with the stories of life.

"Derek," she questioned noticing he had drifted off into a gaze, "Are you alright?"

"Yea," he mumbled pressing his fingers against his forehead, "A bit to much alchol tonight. But I think you know this story all to well."

************************************

Her mind drifted back to that night oh so long ago where she sat in almost the exact same spot drinking tequila like it was water. She had waited for him almost the entire night only to be left broken hearted. She looked at him his dark hair seemed faded and she noticed he had pulled the few stray greys she spotted the other day. He wore that same crisp red shirt, he was Derek yet different.

"Does Andre know?" he questioned pulling her from her thoughts.

"I haven't told him yet," she sighed running her fingers around the brim of the glace.

"He's a lucky man," Derek sighed taking finishing off his scotch and gathering his jacket in his arms. He brushed past her but she grabed his hand pulling him close to her.

"Friends," she pleaded, despiratly she couldn't let him walk out of her life completly not again.

"Mer- "

"Please," she pleased, "I can't let you go completly I can't let you walk off with so much of that i have invested in you." She watched as she studied her his eyes filled with thought, he glanced towards the door but she refused to let his hand go.

"It hasn't worked before Meredith, who say it will work this time?"

"Honestly," she begged, "What do we have to lose but what we have already lost?"

"What's with all the philosophy, has Spokanne changed you that much?" he teased.

"See it will be as if you never met me."

"Friends," he repeated as if he was learning the word for the first time.

"Friends," she replied afirmitavly. "Like you and Addie."

He held her grasp and pulled her closer taking her into his arms, in response she placed her hands on his back and they held the position for a moment. He slowly released her a light smile on his face.

"I'm glad you didn't die," he whispered in her ear as he released her. She smiled awkwardly pushing her hair behind her ear he tastefully kissed her on each check and departed, leaving her standing there alone in the middle of the bar. She instantly felt self conscious, unusure of what to think, unsure if she had done the right thing, unsure if she should have let him walk away with no more then the tittle of friend.

"Another tequila," Joe question.

"Umm, no " she droned on slightly, "I have somewhere I need to be."


	14. Chapter 12

He flopped himself down at the counter at the fifties dinner, the red head rushing over to the man in a maternal manner. She quickly sat adjacent to him stroking his arm as if he where a child. He pulled away made only more angered by the gesture. He let out a sigh and reached over the counter helping himself to an unopened bottle of whiskey.

"Now, Hun you know alcohol does not mix with women, what if she shows up. Ya'll know she does not seem like the kind of gal to leave guy high and dry without some sort of answer." Gloria protested in a southern drawl.

"She was released 14 hours ago, if she had something to say she would've said it by now."

"Andre," the woman snapped, "What has happened to you, ya'll know with that attitude I can't blame her for not showing up."

"I'm drinking, now are you going to get me a glass of coke or do I have to down the bottle straight because I'm cool with it either way." The woman shot him an anger glance and stormed off into the kitchen her miniature heels clicking against the linoleum floor. He could hear the rain pound against the windows it was going to be a rough night, beyond the stormy weather. Angered at Gloria's delay he cracked open the bottle taking a long swig of the numbing liquid. It tasted somewhat sweet and burned his throat, as he drank his mind drifted back to their last conversation. He hadn't spoken to her since, he just couldn't bear to go up into that room and by chance see her with Derek Sheppard. He had left a message of where for her to meet him with a close friend of hers Christina. The woman had acted coldly towards him though so he doubted its arrival. A ring came from the door and he realized Gloria had forgot to lock shop for the night.

"We are closed," he muttered taking another swig of whiskey, not even bothering to glance at the visitor.

*********************************

A sudden warmth engulfed her chilled body as she entered the familiar dinner; Andre sat hunched over a bottle of whiskey at the chrome blue counter. He wore the same rugged green t-shift and torn jeans and she realized he hadn't changed since she saw him in Seattle.

"I was hopping you could make an exception," she smiled rubbing her hands together. Her voice stimulated his gaze which was now fixated on her studying her like a piece of artwork. She slid beside him slid off her jacket and rubbed her arms frantically. "We sharing," she asked taking the whiskey bottle from his hand before he could respond. She took a swig from it as placed it back into his hand a shiver running down her spine.

"Your blonde," he commented turning his head back to the bottle of whiskey, he paused for a second took a swig of the liquid pacifier then continued, "Your Meredith." She took his hand in hers but he coldly pulled it away. "What are you her to tell me that I helped you realised everything that mattered in your life, and that although you love me you don't love me enough to be with me? Because we have all heard that crap before."

"No," she protested, "I'm here to tell you that I talked to Richard and Dr. Arizona and they agreed to offer you a position as a paediatric fellow. Now I know Seattle isn't like Spokane..."

"What do you want Meredith?" he demanded.

"I want you to move to Seattle, for me. You have taken risks before is it selfish of me to ask you to take one more?" she smiled. "Andre I may be Meredith Grey, but the legend of Meredith and Derek ended when I left Seattle. The name's different but the person is still the same." She could tell the familiarity of her words hit home, and for the first time in minutes he loosened his grasp on the whiskey bottle. He looked at her for a moment his eyes contemplative. Self conscious she pulled her gaze away and focused on her hands, which where beginning to return to he pinkish hue. She felt his fingers pull through her hair, making the hairs on the back of her neck rise. He motioned for her to look at him and he placed his hands on top of hers.

"And if we fail? If Derek never gets over you?"

"Then we fail, and we will hook him up with Amber she needs a good man doesn't she?"

He laughed as he ran his fingers down her jaw line, "Meredith Grey" he whispered as if they where strangers, "You know you really do look better blonde."

"Really because I am going to miss being brunette." She laughed wrapping her arms around his neck. He smiled softly and gently brushed his lips against hers. He repeated the action but she held onto the kiss and pulled him closer to her.

"You know you should at least eat something with all that alcohol sonny, otherwise ya'll will regret that full bottle of whiskey." Gloria barged in rambling. Andre pulled away awkwardly but she kept her arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

"Don't worry Gloria," she laughed glancing at Andre whose face had instantly turned beet red, "he's sharing."

"Ya'll Came" exclaimed slapping the man slight, "I told you that young little doc of yours would show up."

"You doubted me?" she gasped.

"With the hair I was competing with? George freaking Clooney would've doubted you." He laughed reaching for the piece of pie Gloria had presented him with. In that moment everything felt right, and all regret had drifted from her mind. She gazed at him for a moment his scruffy blonde hair falling in his face his rugged jacket lying comfortably beside him. He offered her a fork full of pie and she graciously accepted it smiling at the life she had created.

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LOOK FOR THE SEQUEL "BEHIND THESE EYES" IN LATE OCTOBER EARLY NOVEMBER.

**Teaser:**

**Friends, Just friends.... But will Derek have the courage to help Meredith walk down the isle with another man. As well how far will he go to hide the effects of a one night stand he hand during her disapearrance. And will Andre beable to cope with Meredith's jelous tendancies?**


End file.
